How to Have Great Sex at Any Age
In our younger years, we’re always ready for sex. Just thinking about it is enough to get our bodies tingling. But, sadly, the quality isn’t always top-notch.
Perhaps our partner’s too quick or clumsy. Or we’re reluctant to ask for what really turns us on. In later years, even if we do find the right partner for great sex, we’re often too busy or tired at the end of the day for anything more than snuggling.
Once we ease into the more relaxed phase of our lives – when we have more free time, a willing partner and the self-confidence to show him what we like – is when age and biology start working against us.
It’s the ultimate cosmic joke. But it doesn’t have to be.
“As long you’re healthy and have a partner, sex can be part of your life well into your 70s and 80s,” says Machelle Seibel, M.D., professor of obstetrics and gynecology and director of the Complicated Menopause program at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.
Here are 11 steps to great sex and a fulfilling love life:
1. Tweak your diet. Good health – and, by extension, good sex – starts with the right diet.
Eliminate foods that age the body prematurely: those that contain excess calories, saturated fat, cholesterol, sugar or salt. They clog the arteries that lead to your heart and brain (raising the risk for heart attacks and stroke) and gunk up the much smaller blood vessels further south.
“Sexual arousal is completely dependent on blood flow to the tiny blood vessels in our genitals, including the clitoris,” explains Ellen Barnard, a sex educator/counselor and co-owner of A Woman’s Touch, a female-oriented sex shop in Madison, Wis.
“A woman’s clitoris gets erect just like a man’s penis, so keeping blood flowing into spots that produce pleasure is critical,” she says.
The Mediterranean diet, recommended to keep our hearts pumping, is good for sexual health too. Several Italian studies show that this diet – rich in heart-healthy unsaturated fats, red wine, whole grains, lean proteins and antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables – improves sexual function, even among people with type 2 diabetes, metabolic syndrome and erectile dysfunction.
So stock your pantry with whole-grain breads, cereals and pastas, and toss out foods filled with enriched flours and sugars, like white breads, pastas and rice. Put plenty of fruits and veggies on your shopping list, as well as lean proteins, such as salmon or free-range chicken.
When buying beef, choose grass-fed (it’ll say so on the label). Replace saturated fats with healthier unsaturated fats from nuts and olive oil. Satisfy a sweet tooth with dark chocolate (look for bars that are at least 70% cacao), a known aphrodisiac, and drink plenty of green, black or red teas, natural mood-enhancers.
(For romantic meal ideas using these heart-healthy staples, try our 7 Mouth-Watering Mediterranean Recipes.)
2. Move more.
Exercising for at least 30 minutes a day keeps those blood vessels clear and elastic. Any activity – walking, kickboxing, Zumba dancing – will boost great sex.
But cyclists, beware: Biking can work against you, since your seat position can reduce blood flow to genitals and damage vaginal nerves.
“I discourage spinning or any other exercise where there’s direct pressure to the crotch,” says Irwin Goldstein, M.D., director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego.
Switch to a reclining, recumbent bike instead to eliminate pressure on those nerves.
And don’t forget strength training – particularly for those pelvic-floor muscles (the ones that support your bladder, bowel and vagina). Tone them with Kegel squeezes, and your orgasms get stronger. Not sure where those are?
Tighten the muscles you’d use to avoid passing gas in public – those are your pelvic-floor muscles.
Lauri Romanzi, M.D., associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at New York Presbyterian Hospital-Weill Cornell Medical Center, recommends these two exercises:
1. Do a few sets of “squeeze and release,” with 20-30 reps a set.
2. Do 10 reps of “squeeze and hold,” tightening the muscles for 5-second intervals, several times a day.
As your muscles get stronger, increase your hold time. To check that you’re Kegeling correctly, lay back and hold a mirror between your legs. If the perineum (the skin between your vagina and anus) pulls in as you clench, you’re doing it right, Romanzi says.
3. Go for regular physicals. Seeing a doc or gynecologist once a year is advisable at any age. But the older we get, the more vulnerable we are to chronic diseases that can affect sex drive.
“When we have heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes, we take longer to get aroused, our sexual responses aren’t as noticeable, and our orgasms aren’t as strong,” Barnard says.
Treat the underlying condition to bring your libido back, and avoid other health complications too.
An annual physical is also a good time to review medications you’re taking with your doctor. Hypertension drugs, SSRI antidepressants (used for depression and hot flashes), even hormone-based contraceptives can blunt sex drive and interfere with orgasms.
So if you’re having less good sex than you’d like, ask your doctor about switching medication.
4. Get a good night’s sleep. Few of us get enough shut-eye. But women are twice as likely to have sleep problems as men, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.
And it gets harder as we age.
“Estrogen affects rapid eye movement [REM] sleep,” Seibel says. “As estrogen decreases, women lose a certain portion of their dream sleep and restorative sleep.”
Hot flashes can also disrupt slumber, as can an overactive bladder. And when we’re tired, we’d much rather sleep than have sex.
To improve sleep quality, talk to your ob-gyn about ways to reduce hot flashes. Making some lifestyle adjustments – like keeping a consistent bedtime, cutting back on caffeine, avoiding alcohol before bed, and removing the TV from your bedroom – may help you rest through the night.
If problems persist, ask for a referral to a sleep specialist.
5. Check testosterone levels. Testosterone is a key ingredient in desire, and our ovaries actually make most of it. But as we head into our late 30s and 40s, they slow down.
“At 45, most women have about 50% of the testosterone they had at 25,” Romanzi says. “And for some women, that can switch off libido.”
If you’ve noticed that you’re not as interested in sex as you once were, ask your ob-gyn about low-dose testosterone therapy.
“There’s nothing wrong with a low-dose trial of testosterone to see if things return to normal,” Romanzi says.
6. Start a vaginal skin-care routine.
If you’re drier and less sensitive down below than you once were, that’s the effect of declining estrogen, which starts to dip after 35.
“Estrogen makes skin elastic and resilient and keeps capillaries healthy so they can engorge,” Romanzi explains.
Topical estrogen creams and suppositories can help with dryness, thinning skin, and sensitivity issues – as long as you keep using them.
You can also help keep your vagina healthy without hormones using this routine recommended by the owners of A Woman’s Touch:
- Apply a rich vaginal moisturizer to the outer and inner vaginal lips, just as you’d moisturize your face and body. If you’re really dry, insert moisturizer into your vagina at night with an applicator.
- Massage outer and inner vaginal lips and the skin around the perineum with a firm but gentle “press and release” touch.
- Use a vibrator to do the “press and release” massage on your vagina’s inner walls. Any vibrator that fits comfortably when you’re not aroused and is long enough to reach the full length of your vaginal walls will work, though “wider, throbbier vibrators work better because they bring more blood to the surface of the skin,” Barnard says.
Repeat this routine a few times a week when you feel a little dry.
7. Get over yourself. What really gets in the way of our sexual pleasure is often… ourselves.
We’re self-conscious about how our bodies are aging or how we look, sound, smell or taste during sex. We may still be wrestling with negative messages about sex we learned in childhood.
Whatever your hang-up is, stop letting it interfere with your good time.
“If you feel sexy, you’ll be more confident with your partner,” says Jennifer Freed, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in Santa Barbara, Calif.
The secret to great sex may be as simple as starting lovemaking in the shower, so you feel clean. Or turn down the lights and put on some strategic but sexy lingerie that shows off your assets while camouflaging your insecurities.
If you feel your psychological obstacles are more deep-rooted, a therapist can help you combat any lingering childhood issues and boost self-confidence.
8. Stay sexually active.
When you don’t use it, you just might lose it.
“As women age and lose estrogen, vaginal skin becomes less flexible and able to stretch, and penetration can be irritating,”Seibel says. “Staying sexually active keeps the vagina stretched and pliable.”
Regular orgasms – including solo ones – are important too.
“Orgasm is like a concert, involving your conscious and unconscious brain, nervous system, blood vessels, the sensory nerves around your genitalia and your pelvis,” Romanzi says.
“The orchestra is born playing well because all the body wants to do in the first half of our lives is procreate. But as we get older, if the orchestra doesn’t practice, it’s just not going to play well.”
9. Don’t forget birth control.In your late 40s, a few skipped periods are more likely to make you think about early menopause than pregnancy. But according to new figures from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the number of babies born to women over 45 has tripled since 1990.
That figure includes babies conceived with the help of fertility specialists. But even if having kids isn’t your goal, condoms will help prevent sexually transmitted diseases, which you can pick up no matter what your age or tax bracket.
“You can’t tell by looking at someone whether they have an STD,” says Austin family physician Jill Grimes, M.D., author of Seductive Delusions: How Everyday People Catch STDs (The Johns Hopkins University Press). “Just because he’s rich, successful and the CEO of a corporation doesn’t mean he’s disease-free.”
Indeed, one in four Americans over age 12 has genital herpes. And when you narrow the field to folks middle-aged and older, it’s more like one in three, Grimes says.
Scary thought. But just think how great sex can be if you’re not worried about pregnancy or catching an STD.
10. Tend to your relationship. Couples can’t survive if they prioritize work or family over their relationship, Freed says.
“They need a ritual for remembering each other.”
Block out time for afternoon walks on the weekend, or designate one evening a week for date night.
Connecting regularly rekindles that romance and love that helps you feel fulfilled, she says.
11. Make time for sex.
After a long day, it’s too easy to zone out in front of the TV instead of having great sex.
“Our brains and bodies aren’t really wired for constant interest in sex,” Barnard says. “But we’ve evolved to recognize the importance of intimate contact to keep our long-term relationship strong and connected.”
A great sex life won’t happen spontaneously though. You have to plan it: Turn off the phone, get the kids to the babysitter and turn yourself on by thinking erotic thoughts or watching a racy movie.
“Those things will contribute to a sense of sexual satisfaction all the way through [your life],” Barnard says.
Rate Your Sex Drive
Is your sex drive running on fumes, or is it revved up to go the distance? To answer this question, don't go by how often you're having sex. It's really more a measure of how interested or aroused you get. Find out where your libido rates on the sex-o-meter and what you can do if you're running low on steam.
Source: http://www.lifescript.com
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